honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
