Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
