I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he puts the penis in happiness.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
