Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize