it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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