I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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