when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
