wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
