There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
