All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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