Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
