Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize