i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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