Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
