yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
