I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Even my vagina gasped.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
