Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
