If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
