i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
