Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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