I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize