Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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