Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
