U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
