I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
