two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize