the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
