Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
