also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
