Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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