and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
