I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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