Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
