break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
