hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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