we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I could fuck to npr.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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