so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
