we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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