did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He passed out mid-signature
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
