Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
