I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
