Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
