New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if only i could text you this smell
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His nipple licking is glorious
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