Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
