I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
