at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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