i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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