Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
