You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
