Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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