God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
