She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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