When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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