Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
