he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
