We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
