I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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