THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
