piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
