What a fucking waste of an outfit
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
