i jhust puked up my retainher.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
