I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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