You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
