Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
