I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
