so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
