He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
