Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
