I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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