He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
