then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
