Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I need moral support for this bender
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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