thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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