He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
