i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
