STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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