we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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